Peace. I’m in a bathroom. How’s that for a change?

Peace. I’m in a bathroom.

How’s that for a change?

suzyfuckingtaco replied to your post: Open Mike

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha am i high, or are you like totally fucking hilarious?

Probably.

I just like to make myself laugh. That way it seems like everyone is laughing with me. 

Love having a fan btw. xo

Open Mike

I just walked into a bar and it turned out it was comedy night. Not even really open mike. 

All I can say is, if you are dying to do standup and want to do one of these things, is go on early.

By midway through, the only people in the audience were the people waiting to go on after. Pretty sure the last guy was pretty much reading his own tweets to himself, like he does every day in the bathroom. 

But, with a big intro. 

Finally. Home safe. Okay, it’s the bar near my home, but safe enough.

Finally. Home safe.

Okay, it’s the bar near my home, but safe enough.

Located escape vehicle.

Located escape vehicle.

Okay, you’re stuck. Can’t get a cab. Can’t escape. Try to fit in. What is everyone else doing? That’s it. Take a picture of yourself.

Okay, you’re stuck. Can’t get a cab. Can’t escape. Try to fit in. What is everyone else doing? That’s it. Take a picture of yourself.

azzman replied to your photo: Gratuitous picture with my reading glasses on. …

whats up captain awesome?

No,

Gratuitous picture with my reading glasses on. I’ve resisted these things for years, but it got to the point that my arms had grown to short, or my minimum focal length had gotten too long. Not really sure which it was.

Gratuitous picture with my reading glasses on.

I’ve resisted these things for years, but it got to the point that my arms had grown to short, or my minimum focal length had gotten too long. Not really sure which it was.

Pet Peeve Tuesday

Okay, I have a near endless list of pet peeves, but, I’m just going to focus on one at the moment.

That is, sports writers who preview an upcoming game by analyzing the ancient history of the matchup. The fact that the Yankees have beaten the Red Sox 13 out of 21 Tuesday matinee games* is completely irrelevant to the potential outcome of the upcoming game. It just tells me you have access to an amazing database. It gives me nothing that is going to help me making a friendly wager with my friends or impress them with some obscure knowledge.

So, just stop it. Unless you’re comparing this game to other ones that involved essentially the same rosters it’s just pointless.

*I made that stat up. I have no idea what the Tuesday afternoon matinee series record is, nor do I care. 

To my son and every other 13 year old boy out there. The picture on the left is a moustache. The picture on the right, is NOT.

Shave.

Oh, and I’ll hand you the keys to my car before I’ll let you use my razor. 

You can use your mom’s. 

What do you mean, “she uses it to shave her …?”

You came out of there, you ungrateful little shit.